Yeah You Right

Wednesday, March 23, 2005
 
License To Steal
So my car got stolen last week. Out of my driveway. Sometime between, say, 11:30 p.m. Sunday, March 13 and 7:30 a.m. Monday, when the Boy and I walked out the back door and, while I'm facing the other way locking the deadbolt, I hear "So, Dad, where's our car?" Serious cramp in the morning schedule.

Now, the 1995 Mazda 626 ES is a fine ride and all, but c'mon. I do take solace in the fact that the person(s) driving it away could only have rounded the corner before wondering what the hell is that "thunk" when it shifts from first to second gear. Regrettably, the two sets of golf clubs belonging to the Boy and me, the two suits and six Brooks Brothers shirts in the front seat waiting to be taken to the cleaners, and the 20-odd CDs were probably worth almost as much as the car itself.

Regarding the CDs, I have some angst because I know, based on the capacity of the various places to stash 'em, that I have around 20 in the car at any given time. But I've so far only been able to identify 13 that I'm missing. On the downside(s), (a) I may never figure out what others I had in the car and (b) as the list below shows, I perhaps need to introduce greater variety into my listening.

• Alligator Records 30th Anniversary Collection
• Blues Revue Magazine Music Sampler (Feb-Mar 2005)
• Hound Dog Taylor - Genuine House Rockin' Music
• Hound Dog Taylor - Natural Boogie
• Johnnie Taylor - Greatest Hits
• Rosie Ledet - Now's The Time
• Sue Foley - Change
• Bonnie Raitt (eponymous debut album)
• If You Don't Know Me By Now: Best of Harold Melvin & The Blue Notes
• Cowboys To Girls: Best Of The Intruders
• Teddy Pendergrass - Greatest Hits
• Angie Stone - Mahogany Soul
• Mighty Sam McClain - Sledgehammer Soul & Down Home Blues

On the upside, it gave me reason to go through my entire CD collection, which caused me to find a lot of crap that I can take to the local Buy-Sell-Trade store and swap out for, what else, more R&B and blues compilations.

But here's the topper (sorry for burying the lede): I picked up a copy of the police report today. Aside from the check-boxes and information like my name, address, car's VIN, etc. the report, which is typed and dated March 16 (relevance will become clear below) reads -- in its entirety -- verbatim as follows:

03-14-05, Mr. [Paycheck] reported his 1995 Mazda 626 vehicle stolen to the Atlanta Police Department. Mr. [Paycheck] reported the vehicle was stolen from the driveway of his residence at [casa Paycheck].

03-15-05, I was assigned Mr. [Paycheck's] vehicle theft report for investigation.

03-16-05, I was conducting a follow up investigation of the 1995 Mazda 626 vehicle Mr. [Paycheck] reported stolen to the Atlanta Police Department. [ed. note: Nice use of repetition. What are we, getting paid by the word?] I checked the vehicle on G.C.I.C., and saw where the vehicle was still listed as stolen. I checked the Atlanta Police's vehicle impounds, and I did not see where the vehicle had been impounded. I contacted Mr. [Paycheck] by telephone, and assured him, the vehicle's VIN, and tag numbers, was entered onto G.C.I.C. to show the vehicle to be stolen. I ask Mr. [Paycheck] if there was any additional information concerning his vehicle theft? Mr. [Paycheck] said he would fax me a list of the credit cards inside the console of his stolen vehicle, although he has closed the accounts, and there were no reported activity on the accounts. [ed. note: I know, I know...] I assured him the Atlanta Police Department was looking for the vehicle. I left my name and telephone number for any questions he may have.

All leads in this case have been exhausted. This case is inactivated.

Well, there you have it. Apparently, the hour-and-a-half I spent walking around my neighborhood and checking behind the buildings at the nearby shopping centers in case some kid went for a joyride and abandoned the car and its balky transmission (all the while thinking about Walter outside Larry's house in The Big Lebowski [also the first comment the Cap'n had when we exchanged e-mails that day]) renders me the lead detective on the case. Maybe I should change my name to Tommy Sharky.

 - posted by Tommy Paycheck @ 10:59 PM   |    permalink    |   
Saturday, March 19, 2005
 
Tonight's The Night
That I resume posting. I've intermittantly been revising the look of the place with the intent to get rolling again, but work and life and general slackness and my newly realized utter lack of facility with things technoNet (more below) have made it a longer process than it should be -- the adding of the YYR logo to the old Gwen photo took one whole night of its own -- so, like moving into a half-completed house, I'm just going to start posting.

Perhaps as much because I've run out of excuses. The boy's asleep down the hall, so I'm trying to keep it down. I've been pumping CDs into the iTunes since about 3 this afternoon, and the constant importing makes surfing slow on my aged PC. TiVo's recording Saturday Night Live so I can fast-forward through to the Gwen Stefani bits (and maybe the all-chick Weekend Update) later. I could switch inputs and watch raw (i.e., non-TiVo) TV in real time, but c'mon, how long can anyone stand that? I could pop in a DVD, but I'm in that dead-calm state of mind re movies where nothing seems to get the interest up. I've been trying to catch up on reading the pile of magazines that sit enticingly close to the fireplace, but after two bourbons, I'm getting to the point of diminishing returns on intellectual pursuits.

The combination of reading several months of Wired and listening to my new CDs that Amazon delivered Friday makes me realize how little I know. Two of the CDs I just got, Dave Godin's Deep Soul Treasures: Taken From Our Vault Vol. 1 & Vol. 2, were released in 1997 and 1998. Unbelieveable. How much more would my life have been enriched by having these over the last 7-8 years? Just read this article about podcasting. The gap is becoming almost generational; I feel like I'm ready to sit down and play patty-cake with the technology and it's sneaking out the bedroom window to drink beer and smoke cigarettes in some neighborhood cul de sac.

Milestoned: In the great co-ed trivia challenge, the He-Man Woman Hater's Club won first prize at the U-Joint, with yours truly as a first-time participant. I don't think I added much, but enjoyed it immensely. I overprepped on questions regarding Buddy Guy, the Pretenders, et al., of which there were none. I was able to name 2 of 3 apostles, so I guess 14 years of Catholic school are good for something.

Speaking of trivia: The Boy, I, and Aunt Re (hereinafter, "ARe") recently discovered that there is an error in Trivial Pursuit For Kids Vol. 6. Card No. 173 has the following question: "What order in the lineup does the 'clean-up hitter' bat in a baseball game?" The Jr. edition gives the tykes multiple-guesses, them being: first--4th--last. The answer on the card is "last," which as any red-blooded American knows is wrong. The Boy and ARe didn' believe me 'til I Googled and Webster'ed it. They also didn't get it when, for the rest of the game, I kept saying "I'm sorry, the card says 'Moops.'"

Future posts: disengagement; auto theft; tentative resumption of two old broken-off friendships; house hunting; car shopping; the genius of Jim Steinman, John Ford, and Matt Labash; questioning iTunes's "genre" labels; etc. I promise it will be more entertaining.

 - posted by Tommy Paycheck @ 11:45 PM   |    permalink    |   
Monday, November 08, 2004
 
Is it just me or . . .
Does Gary Hart look like a mutant?








 - posted by Tommy Paycheck @ 11:02 PM   |    permalink    |   
 
The Message
I commented on another site after the election that the media bias had really been pissing me off, but that thankfully most of the examples I'd been squirreling away in the back of my head had gotten displaced by more important things to remember (also now forgotten). But there's one that, for whatever reason, still sticks in my craw, prompting me to go back tonight and search for the article online. It was "The Road To Resolve," byline Evan Thomas et al., which appeared in the Sept. 6 issue of Newsweek.* Ostensibly about the President's misspent youth and post-40, quickly sobered-up adulthood -- the second head is "A Sober View: He partied hard, then dried out and found a fierce determination. How George Bush was saved—and never looked back" -- the majority of the article is, as one would suspect from the slug, about W's turnaround and its concomitant lack of "inner doubt" (although to Newsweek , W apparently shares with Stalin, not Kennedy or Clinton, the trait of self-assuredness).

Here's a portion, about 8 grafs in, that contains the typically egregiously snarky Evan Thomas line that irritated me. See if you can spot it.

It is easy to mark the turning point in George Bush's life. It was the morning of July 28, 1986, when he woke up, wretchedly hung over after a night of celebrating his 40th birthday at the Broadmoor, a resort in Colorado, and decided to quit drinking. He did not seek therapy or join Alcoholics Anonymous. He just quit, and joined a regular Bible group. Before Bush gave up the bottle, his life was more feckless than accomplished. After that day, he moved from success to success. Bush has been sober for 18 years (less time than John Kerry has spent in the U.S. Senate); for 12 of those years, he has been running for office or governing. His mature life, then, has been a public one, mastering, despite his occasional inarticulateness, the art of politics. And his relatively brief adulthood may also help explain the roots of the self-confident side of his nature.


So we should despise George W. Bush and desire to defeat his reelection not only because he's moralistic, stupid, yada yada yada, but also because he's only been sober for 18 years. Comparing Bush's sobriety to Kerry's Senate tenure is like comparing apples to assholes, if you'll excuse the paraphrase.

What dicks.

*I briefly was a subscriber as a result of having to quickly pick some mags when the Boy was selling subscriptions through his school. Didn't remain one very long.

 - posted by Tommy Paycheck @ 9:48 PM   |    permalink    |   
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
 
Reality Bites
So apparently there is or will be a new reality show on TBS, "The Real Gilligan's Island." I don't know anything about this show other than what I've seen on the odd commercial (and, unlike my compatriot, Cap, I tend not to do the research before opining), but the commercials imply that they're casting simulacra of the Sherwood Schwartz characters, placing them on an island, and (we should assume) either wacky fun or (per the current slate of reality programming) spiteful backbiting will ensue. The tag line I just heard was "See how they'll get off the island."

Here you go: Day 1 -- Kill Gilligan.

 - posted by Tommy Paycheck @ 9:05 PM   |    permalink    |   
Friday, October 22, 2004
 
Don't Fence Me In
So my world has shrunk down to a small, well-defined area. I measure the metes and bounds of my life as follows:

• The seven and a half feet between the fancy leather chair and the teevee;
• The collective 20 or so yards between the den, the bar, and the garage (home of the new exercise equipment, lawnmower, and new gas-powered trimmer [I tried, without luck, to find a Poulan Weed Eater in Atlanta, just for the sake of Independence Bowl victory over Notre Dame nostalga]);
• The 4 miles of Wieuca from Rickenbacker to Phipps and back to Roswell, as many times a week as possible (but not enough);
• The 50 floors between Lower Level 5 and 45th floor offices of 191 Peachtree;
• The 550 miles between Atlanta and Baton Rouge;
• The unbelievably vast stretch between Tuesday and Saturday morning, and commensurate distance between the Boy's home/life with Mom, Stepdad, and Lil' Bro in East Cobb and casa Dad.

According to Thoreau, "the mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation." Some also blare Bobby Womack loudly at 2 a.m. alone in the night, to little effect.

 - posted by Tommy Paycheck @ 2:20 AM   |    permalink    |   
Friday, October 08, 2004
 
Debatable Wisdom
So a few additional random thoughts about the debate:

• I also say "Aargh!" when TiVo changes the channel to IFC to catch Dinner For Five in the middle of the debate while I'm screwing around with this Internet stuff.

• Why are "town hall" debates always in some auditorium at a private university? Shouldn't they be in a "town hall" somewhere? I'd like to see a debate at the West Baton Rouge Parish Police Jury building or the DeKalb County School Board office. Hell, even the Daley Center in Chicago. You know where, they got that big Picasso.

• Somebody needs to tell the President to stop barking at folks when he gets excited. He needs to be showing conviction of purpose Gary Cooper-style, not Dennis Hopper-style.

• OK, I know it's a distinction without a difference to most people, but "trial lawyer" is not the same thing as "plaintiff's lawyer." Let's recognize that there's a whole cadre of "trial lawyers" who spend their careers representing doctors and technological innovators and soft drink companies and other keystones of society against the John Edwards-style plaintiff's lawyers.

Atticus Finch was a "trial lawyer" for christsakes.

 - posted by Tommy Paycheck @ 10:50 PM   |    permalink    |   
 
Taxing My Nerves
So I've paused the TiVO* and taken a break during the midst of the "town hall" Presidential debate (is it my imagination or does Charlie seem more presidential than either of the candidates) because I found myself screaming at the TV again. Specifically in the middle of Kerry's response to the question about why the deficit is so big. More specifically, at the point where he's again said that the President gave the top 1% of America -- you know, the Rich people sitting by their pools all day reading their dividend statements -- an 89 billion dollar tax cut and that the Pres chose that instead of helping the other 80% of "You" (as in the middle class).**

So I'm yelling "That's because they pay that much more taxes!"
And "It's a progressive tax system, you huge demagogue. That 20% pays more taxes than the other 80%!"
And "Please, just once, when you respond, say that! Be straight with the people."

But I know it ain't going to happen. So now I'm going to go un-pause and watch another lost opportunity for American politics to come out of the 1920s.

Oh, and "Aarrgh!"

*I can use the actual trademark.
**Am I the only one who thought Kerry shouldn't be assuming that his questioners are "middle class"? What, the super-rich can't be bothered to come to a debate? I guess, they're all having cocktails by the pool.

 - posted by Tommy Paycheck @ 10:07 PM   |    permalink    |   
Wednesday, September 29, 2004
 
Consumerism
So I got this big four-year "retention" bonus from my firm. Not big in the Shearson Lehman sense, I suppose, but big for this small town boy. Retention, not in the "you're carrying so much water weight we feel sorry for you" sense, but the "you're still here? have some money" sense.

So I got the big payoff and here's what I've purchased:

• Night on the town for me and the Boy -- ie., all the tuna tartare one can eat at Twist and tickets to Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow;

• Two front tires, Toyo Proxes FZ4 (marketed as for the "Luxury Sedan," but placed on the 1995 Mazda 626);

• 10 chances at winning 1996 Cadillac limo tricked up in LSU colors (deductible);

• charitable contribution to the church that runs the Boy's school (deductible, plus garners discount rate for tuition -- enlightened self interest, baby);

• Yamaha PSR-275 61-key computer-ready keyboard (the Boy is getting into music; next, drum kit);

• RCA Lyra RD1090 256mb mp3 player (hey, digital music bandwagon, can I time-warp back to 1999 and jump on?);

• CDs:

    • every Hound Dog Taylor CD not already-owned;

    • Shemekia Copeland, Talking To Strangers (Johnny Copeland's daughter; produced by Dr. John);

    • Jane Monheit, Taking A Chance On Love (the new hot jazz babe);

    • Von Bondies, Pawn Shoppe Heart;

    • Little Sonny Jones, New Orleans R&B Gems;

    • Joni Mitchell, Court and Spark;

• DVDs:

    • The Kid Stays In The Picture;

    • Lost In Translation;

    • No Doubt: The Videos 1992-2003 (or, as I call it, Gwen in my den);

    • The Director's Series, The Work of Spike Jonze;

    • Star Wars Trilogy (I don't care how much angst diehard film fans get over after-the-fact digital re-editing, to a 10-year-old, those Tie Fighters sound really cool in 5.1 Dolby Surround);

    • re-stocking the store of Kentucky Spirit;

• new tennis shoes for the Boy (to accomodate pre-ALTA tennis lessons);

• custom framing:

    • LSU 2004 Sugar Bowl panoramic print (w/ticket);

    • Pregame at Tiger Stadium photo;

    • custom matte for print of vintage Sunset Boulevard one-sheet;

    • Sammy Davis Jr. Now (1972) fold-out album cover

Don't know that the list is representative of anything except stuff I've been wanting. I've heard tell of other people taking this bonus and buying a new car or somesuch. Maybe it means all I'm looking for in life is a bunch of moderately priced junk.

 - posted by Tommy Paycheck @ 1:03 AM   |    permalink    |